Tree Training Gifts

Gardening Tips - training fruit trees can greatly increase their yield

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Brian was very proud of his dog.

Intelligent people laugh too!

Overjumpers

"First time pruning?"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"When did she start crawling?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Shake! Good Dog."

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Hermit Crabapple Tree

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Tree house.

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

Selfie Stick

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

'The forest is so dark and gloomy: It's nice to reach the emergence and get a bit of sunshine...'