Treadmill Avoider T-Shirts

'That's right! No huffing a puffing for 30 minutes on a treadmill. We've developed a new stress test that is faster and more accurate.'

Good News about winter

"OK, ready to go again?"

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

"It's improv night."

The Sedentary Dead.

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

At the baby oil factory.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

Superhero training.

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

Tred carefully mill.

Walkies.

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."