Traveling Sage Pillows

"I find the ride goes a lot quicker when you have someone to try to convert."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

The experienced backpacker.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Lady of the bath...

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The Paper Route

Rent a Room With Hot Water

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"Less roman, more clef."

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'No! - You can't build sand castles!'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

"I got my emotional baggage down to a little carry-on."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Sylvia Plath

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

Shakespeare begins a play about a ship's captain and a white whale... and realizes he's never even been on a boat.