Training Seminar Fan Pillows

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

Only Clowns

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Transylvania Lecture Hall. Tonight Count Dracula will speak about lessons he learned looking back over a long life. I thought vampires didn't reflect.

'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'

'What training do I get?'

"He's taken it badly. Been a working dog all his life."

Spider Preschool.

I think these were meant for you. Sit. Speak. Shake. Heel. Stay. Wait. Down. Fetch. Come.

BOEING Suspends Flights.

Skis with stabilisers.

Fish Tricks

Psychiatry. I think I'm my own worst enemy because I like to back the winning side! (Published originally on April 20, 2009).

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

Spring ballpark errors.

'What can I tell you? They gave us treats - at inappropriate times.'

"On the plus side, people seem happier to see me lately..."

'Who says you can't teach a new dog old tricks?'

To recap: Last week, Rudy attended the Sadie Cohen's Attitude Adjustment and Rapid Response Training Seminar. In case you missed it, a flashback. Drop and give me 20 highly-personal insults. Drop? You call yourself a lady? No, wait, what? But then magic happened. Drop, and give me … Pipe down, bearded lady. Rudy Shock Jock is in the house!

'My birthday? The 30th January. What year? Every year Sir.'

"Patient shows definite anxiety symptoms..."

Keep Out! Private - Unsocial Housing