Training Seminar Fan Prints

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

Only Clowns

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'Of course I'm confused, I keep dreaming I'm an insomniac.'

'What training do I get?'

"He's taken it badly. Been a working dog all his life."

Skis with stabilisers.

Fish Tricks

'And why do you think you developed this overwhelming fear of couches?'

Spring ballpark errors.

'What can I tell you? They gave us treats - at inappropriate times.'

"On the plus side, people seem happier to see me lately..."

'Who says you can't teach a new dog old tricks?'

'My birthday? The 30th January. What year? Every year Sir.'

"Patient shows definite anxiety symptoms..."

Keep Out! Private - Unsocial Housing

'There's an APP that does those old tricks now.'