Training Junkie Pillows

Overjumpers

"Ok! Not the best technique but good power!"

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Exercise now!

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

That's not what I meant when I suggested you get an exercise machine.

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"I hate Tuesday. Tuesday I work legs."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

The size of a man's upper body is directly proportional to the number of unresolved issues in his head.

"I gave up on the wheel and designed this. You'll thank me when electricity is invented."

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

A man reading 'Beach Chairs for Dummies'

'Will I still be married?'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

Health

Olympic Torch Training

Treadmillstone

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

Apocalliptical

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

Let's work those arms -- newspaper, Blackberry...

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Homing pigeons in therapy.