Traditional Romantic Gifts

"Fine – if they all want to meet online, screw them."

"I gotta be me!"

"Mr. Right!"

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"I always knew you'd come back."

Romance of Radio Astronomy

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

Technology and Love

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

Spooning

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'He Will!'

"I'd love to spend more time with you, Jason, but you're not on my fall schedule."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Oh, he's so romantic."

The Near Outback: Lenny and Samantha

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Why, I think he's trying to impress you."

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

An Appreciation

'We don't text anymore.'

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'