Traditional Meets Modern Art Lover Gifts

'It's a selfie.'

You're my Mona Lisa.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

The Cremaster Cycle

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Jackson Pollock as a child