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What has really happened in the desert...

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'