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'Sir, do you want to lose your money because of bad management or do you prefer irresponsible speculative transactions, corruption and incompetence?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

"Can't complain- it's against company policy."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'