Reading Business Comics T-Shirts

"I'm here to wind up the company."

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

"Well, Baldo...I'm not gonna waste your time. Times are tough and sales are down. If my store is gonna survive, I have to right-size payroll expenses."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

Office zombie.

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.