Bar Comic T-Shirts

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Jim Carrey,

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

John Cleese.

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Spike Milligan

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Woody Allen

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

Virtual Lap Dancing

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Alan Carr

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

Voodoo Darts. . .

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'm a Fringe performer.'