Touchdown Maestro T-Shirts

End zone dance practice.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

'Where are the kids?'

"You're back! You're really back...!"

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Let's see him get out of this sonata."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Nest building

Friendly fire!

"But this way I know where everything is."

"Look at you! Dirty all over! I told you not to play with your ink!!"

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Martha Stewart at Home.

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Football

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

We are on the move. . .