Touchdown Choreographer Pillows

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

Push for Disco...

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Football.

The sounds of a tree falling in the forest.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Megan Anna Rapinoe

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"You're back! You're really back...!"

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

Friendly fire!

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

Football

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

'Where'd you learn to drive!?'

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

'That was some hit!'

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."

Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, Post-Touchdown Choreographer

"I take serious offense to their offense. And I am feeling very defensive about our defense. Would somebody give me a damn hug? Now Please?"

'We're a coalition force, ref.'