Tortoise Care Pillows

Pet Shop.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Eat my dust!"

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"I've downsized."

Brexit Tortoise

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'Multiple personality.'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'