Torah Tales Fan Gifts

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Joseph and his coat

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"First, do no ham."

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'The serpent was rotten to the core, but the apple was delicious.'

Moses Before Pharaoh's Daughter.

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

'I've got no idea either, but I bet you won't find two of them.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"Welcome to the land of Nod, Cain."

Manna Helper

Torah-nosaurus Rex

'I don't know...where are you going to keep your mobile phone?'

"Ralph, have you noticed the other pairs are male and female?"

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

Torah reading on the subway.