Torah Tales Fan Gifts

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Joseph and his coat

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

"First, do no ham."

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Jesus makes water cooler water into wine.

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

First, the horses already boarded, and second, I know you're the Johnsons.

'The serpent was rotten to the core, but the apple was delicious.'

Moses Before Pharaoh's Daughter.

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

'I've got no idea either, but I bet you won't find two of them.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

Manna Helper

"Welcome to the land of Nod, Cain."

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

'I don't know...where are you going to keep your mobile phone?'

"Ralph, have you noticed the other pairs are male and female?"