Torah Tale Fan Gifts

Moses Parting the Red Tea

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Yes, all at once!'

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Joseph and his coat

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

Jesus makes water cooler water into wine.

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'The serpent was rotten to the core, but the apple was delicious.'

First, the horses already boarded, and second, I know you're the Johnsons.

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

Moses Before Pharaoh's Daughter.

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

'I've got no idea either, but I bet you won't find two of them.'

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

Safer Torah

"Ralph, have you noticed the other pairs are male and female?"

Torah-nosaurus Rex

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

'I don't know...where are you going to keep your mobile phone?'

"Welcome to the land of Nod, Cain."

Manna Helper