Toothpaste Troubleshooter Pillows

'....don't tell me....we're out of toothpaste AGAIN!'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Dept. of History. This term paper doens't have any footnotes at all! I'm suffering from citer's block!

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

"Damn autocorrect!"

"Damn these super powers!"

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Here, try this."

'...How can I trust you to handle multimillion-dollar accounts if you can't even spin a basketball on your fingertip?'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

'Let's see... how many squeezes did that commercial say to put on the brush?'

CAPTAIN PLUNGER. Colour

While Desmond was by far the world's fastest marathon runner, his Achilles heel was his wimpiness.

My wife doesn't understand my text messages.

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

' ... plus you need to floss better.'

"Needs ketchup."

"Kick the machine"

Rugby player searches on line for 'front teeth'.

"Your husband used the wrong emoji to express his feelings, which caused mass confusion. He'll be sentenced to a mandatory emoji educational class."

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

Valentine's Day texting

Space X Crew Dragon

'I'm the toothpaste genie offering you a free dental plan!'

'It just hasn't been my day.'

Snow days are overrated. True that. Texting is impossible in mittens!

Yeah, same. I thought those emojis were just cute little dogs. The Boy Who Texted Wolf.

Want to be like 'White Fang'? Brush with Calgote!

"Nobody understands my texts."

"By the way, if you're involved in some sort of sex scandal I'd rather find out about it from you than from the media."

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

Standardized Testing Is My Friend

"I shouldn't have sent them that poop emoji."

"If I have to text you one more time...."

'One cavity in 10 visits.' 'No cavities and no visits.'