Toolbox Wizard Gifts

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"We only got six days of funding."

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I'm starting my own delivery service. Is there anything you want to borrow from my Dad?!"

"Lovely dovetail."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

Targets.

Waiting for retirement.

D.I.Y with dad.

Guide to Carpentry Fish

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Okay guys you have your assignments. Let's get cracking!"

The Move.

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'

Last night I went over to Lance's house, and he was leaning back in his recliner, drinking a beer, eating a pizza and smoking a cigar. I said, "Tsk! Tsk!" He asked if that was for the recliner, the beer the pizza or the cigar. I explained that I'm quite adept at multi-tsking.

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

Start the session by doing something unusual.

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

Dad's Workbench

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

Handy-lion

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"Something tells me this isn't the 'Good Cop'."

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

I got the raise