Tool Seeker Pillows

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

Muscles

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Bench Press Accident

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"We're exclusively delts."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Courage. Love.

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."

Exercise Bars

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

The Hammer

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

Dept. of the Treasury

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

'I meant a book report on 'Treasure Island,' not a report on the Muppet movie version.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'C'mon, guys. That old geezer just leg pressed 400 pounds when he got up from the chair.'

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

Pirate dogs burying bones.

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

"Enough with the garage sales, Harold."

"...And have we been working on our upper body or our lower body?"

Thoughtful gifts for that special pirate in your life.