Tool Burners Pillows

'Fred insists on giving something up for Lent!'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Painting the Ceiling

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Congratulations on your retirement!

'Where do I put the batteries?'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

Waiting for retirement.

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

The Hammer

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'Swiss Army Rescue Service. How can we help?'

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Three different categories of lawnmower.

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives