Toddler Stage Gifts

"They grow so fast. He can already scan a bar code."

The Fountain of Youth was elusive - nothing at all like the puddle of youth.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Swan Fairy Tales

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

The No No No's

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

'At lone at last.'

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"I'm so good at this!"

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

"Where's your nose?"

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"They say you're as smart as a 2-year-old child? As a 2-year-old...I don't see it!"

'Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream...'

"Oh he also likes Wagner's 'Flight Of The Valkyries' played whenever he enters a room."