Title Monger Pillows

'My agent said that a title like 'The Condition of my Soul in the Face of the Misery on Earth' would sell better than 'Smashed Fly on Canvas'.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

"...and you call yourself a computational immunotox-pharmacological an-diffracctiion bimolecular therapeutic ononclonal-antibody genomic metabolic-endocrinologist."

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"And these soya beans were engineered using Human DNA."

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

'I was just given more responsibility. Now I am not only responsible for corporate mumbo but also for corporate jumbo.'

'According to this list, this list is ranked #4 on the greatest lists of all time.'

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

'Fresh Fish' 'Stand offish'

Big cheese

'Actually, I don't see myself as a thought leader, but more of a thought manager."

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

"Hi, I'm Dr. Jenkins." "Nice to meet you. I'm Bachelor of Science Johnson."

"Just remember...the share market is cyclical."

'What can you recommend for the 'Big Cheese' where I work?'

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

Ello Ello Ello.

"I was promoted from customer care executive to senior master customer care executive. That means 12 more letters."

'I love this job because you customers always smile when you place your order!'

Vice President in Charge of Block

"I'm not a babysitter; I'm a child care provider!"

'Nice to meet you. Plumber Greg.'

'Not only does the babysitter want more money, she now wants to be referred to as a child-care specialist!'