Titanic Jokester T-Shirts

Minutes after Prometheus stole fire from the gods.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"Don't bother going that way: They've installed shark nets..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

Elf of the Month

'Whadoya mean, WHOOPS?! That stuff doesn't grow on trees you know!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

"A catfish ate my homework."

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker