Tipping Humorist Pillows

Will tip for service.

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

Budget reaction.

"Let me take that for you."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'You're right, I did overtip. Well, we'll just stiff someone at the next place.'

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

"Our property taxes went up agian."

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.