Tiny Conversationalist Gifts

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"This may be the wine talking, but I'm wasted."

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."