Timeliness Gifts

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'Next day to the coast! You must be nuts!'

'Passengers are asked to evacuate the station as a train has arrived suspiciously on time.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Late BroomStick

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Sundial Time

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

"You keep impeccable time."

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

Employee attending a breakfast meeting in his pyjamas.

Time Clock

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'Sir, that efficiency expert you hired called -- he said he'll be five hours late.

"So we`re going out and you haven`t even bothered to change?"

Big Ben

Please Leave by 9

"I'm very good with punctuation."

'Safe!'

"Help! Set me free!"

"You're so consistently late that you're pretty much doing my job and docking your own hours."

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"My appointment starting on time just went viral."

Internal Clocks.

'I'm not surprised - she's NEVER been on time yet!'

If you should be in this meeting, but are reading this instead - you're fired!

"Yea yea, I'm right around the corner!"

9:15. Sorry I'm late -- I had to floss.

"Congratulations on your retirement Spencer. The team suggested a gold watch but I thought it more apt if I present you with the office clock you've been watching so much for the past 35 years."

Late for a date,,,

"Finally! I got all my deliveries done on time! I also put all the oil cans on the oil can shelves! And I actually put batteries in the battery display!"

Husband concerned about being late whilst wife has plastic surgery.

Professor in time machine at the end of a battle "Damn watch!"