Time-traveling Tactician Pillows

"My new time machine is also fantastic if I want to take back a move."

Lynching on social media

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

Golf lessons

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Safest Airline in The World

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Ready to move when the other guy blinks.

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

"I'm not attracted to him and we don't get along, but the timing is right."

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

'Did you try rebooting?'

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

Playing chess with a QR code for a chessboard

Doctor handing cell phone to patient: 'Here, take this and call me in the morning.'

'faster!'

'I was there the day we were married. Talk about bad timing.'

"Richard just came in - he must have had a board meeting."

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'

"Is anybody listening to me?"

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

Coo coo clocks make a cats job easier.

"Yes, you can see the chairman this afternoon - have you ever done any caddying before?"

'Gentlemen, today's meeting will be short, so I'll get right to the point.'

'It's a special technique called cheating.'