Time-crunched Chef Gifts

Slow food is healthier. But who has time to cook after work? My 30-minute meals cookbook helps. I've got one for 15-minute mains. I've got one for 12-minute dishes from scratch. Hmm�Exactly when does slow food become fast food? When your last meeting ends at 6 and parents' night starts at 7 sharp.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Come and get it!'

Quartet of chefs.

Cook in the cookery section.

TV Chef Cooking Range

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.

'..and one for the pot.'

'Try slicing the bread, Brian!'

'It's her signature dish.'

Pizza Carried Off On A Stick Like A Wild Animal

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

"I was in a different place then."

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

"Is there anyone here who specializes in stress management?"

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"If anyone asks, I didn't hear about the big beef recall."

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Should you add more pepper?"

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

'Oh, she's not a witch or anything -- she just served leftover turkey five days in a row.'

Boil in the Bag - Candlelit Dinner for Two.

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

'You are LATE! Your dinner's being cremated in the oven!'

"Management wants a word with you."