Time Change Chuckler Mugs

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Fancy a swift half?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

tax

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

"No, Ted, there's no way I'm going to put up with you working at home. You're a demolition man!"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"Fall back...spring ahead."

Yoga - moooooooo.

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"Come back later when our computers are back up."

'Pool closed 3pm to 6pm. That's when we wash our sheets.'

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'