Time Change Chuckler T-Shirts

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Fancy a swift half?'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

tax

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

"No, Ted, there's no way I'm going to put up with you working at home. You're a demolition man!"

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Bless you!'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"Come back later when our computers are back up."

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'

'Do these burgers taste funny to you?'