Timber Yard Trooper Gifts

'It's going to be all right, sir. Just slow down and tell me how long you've been lost.'

"First time pruning?"

"Lovely dovetail."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Have you decided what are you going to wear?'

Timber preservation

Joys of D.I.Y.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"Trust me – she's a witch."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

"I'd like to give you a break, but we did have you doing a hundred and eighty-six thousand miles a second on the radar."

Speed Limit Enforced from Aircraft.

Woodwork

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"Good news, Mrs. Jennings! The lump in your throat isn't cancer, it's from watching a lot of sad movies."

'You're new at the logging game, I see.'

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

"She already spent summers in New York City without A/C."

"What's the rush? He'll still be dead when you get there."

Astronomical observations.

"Dad, this is Keith. Keith works in the timber industry."

'The plums are dry. It's time to prune.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, my mistake. That sign was meant for someone with a less expensive car."

Super Bowl Monday

"Easy with that computer, Martha. It senses fear."

"He's in charge of mowing... I mainly fertilize."

Clown car full of policemen

'It's my birthday. I'm giving a free cup of coffee to everyone that gets a ticket.'

Speed Limit Enforced by Slow Aircraft

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Shall I put you down for a state trooper cap, T-shirt, or coffee mug?"

"A splinter! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

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