Tick-check Survivor Pillows

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

WHO checklist

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

Rumours Online

Thinking outside the box.

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

'I'm telling you, this is a tough place to work. Pass the pepper spray.'

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

"Phone, wallet, glasses... What am I forgetting?"

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

Boyfriend Shirt.

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

If you are going to fact check my resume, I embellished the part about being an astronaut.

'Your last tech job offered generous options? So do we: Take it or leave it.'

Stop the world. I want to get off again.

"It's the ABCs, Justin. You don't need to fact check."

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

STRIP Hambone: Living in the box the computer who replaced him came in

A holiday maker greets a castaway

'Your tests came back. . . bad news. Not only did we find a lump, you are a lump. . .'

End of the Rainbow.

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

'When I was governor I saw to it that no superstorms ever started, and I know how to do it again as president.'

"I just downloaded fact-checker...fancy a little quarrel?"

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

Desert Island Slob.

'Ruddy customers have NO idea of the costs power companies have to cover!'

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

Hollywood Dad/Real Dad