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The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Bob! Your manure's here!"

"Oi - I was pollinating that!!"

-A garden uses a lot of water. -Most of it perspiration.

'Don't you think it's time you tackled the wandering dew?'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

Firefigher arm-wrestling with a dragon.

'He's made an eco-friendly bamboo bike... unfortunately all the tomato plants have fallen down.'

Showing gardening tools to a tower block.

'See I told you the garden was big enough for a table and chairs.'

"What are you growing?"

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

"Oh god, here she comes again, insisting she's helping."

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

'Those showy blooms are very susceptible to pests.'

"Miss Daniels! Get in here! The sansevieria trifasciata is budding!!"

The Fireside Jungle: Beware of introducing pest into the house with new specimens.

Gardener's Calendar: Look out for damage by hail.

"It's weeder's elbow."

"911?... Guinness Book of World Records?... 911?

'Your texting addiction sticks out like a sore thumb.'

"I now declare a thumb war."

'Type the following as fast as you can!'

2012 warmest year on record so far.

Lawn and Order

Roots coming through the roof of a balcony.

'Well, that's the gardening done - until the perishing things spring up again!'

Weod Monath (Weed Month) The Saxon word for the month of August.

unprunin