Thumb Philosopher Gifts

'But Mom, if God didn't want us to text message, he wouldn't have given us opposable thumbs.'

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"I know it's only a thumbnail sketch, but I quite like it!"

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

TSA Lines

Valuation of Heaven

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

"Still, I'd rather be here than at the office."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'Type the following as fast as you can!'

"And now..the sermon on the mount."

A painter paints his thumb, not the nude model in front of him.

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

"I'm going to try and get an outpatients appointment, I may be some time!"