Thumb Philosopher Gifts

'But Mom, if God didn't want us to text message, he wouldn't have given us opposable thumbs.'

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"They'd sold out of #1's."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"I know it's only a thumbnail sketch, but I quite like it!"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'Not only am I a frequent flyer, I'm a frequent waiter.'

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

TSA Lines

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

Valuation of Heaven

"The lines are a bit slow today...so here's something to help pass the time!"

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

'Type the following as fast as you can!'

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

"Still, I'd rather be here than at the office."

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

"And now..the sermon on the mount."

"I'm going to try and get an outpatients appointment, I may be some time!"

"Don't text so fast! At this rate, you'll need your thumbs retread."