Thought Decoder T-Shirts

'It's my job to be nosy!'

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Paw readings

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

DIY horror.

'Physical or Social Science?'

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

Sigmund Freud.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

'I dreamed I was flying and I had airline food.'

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

Siggy

Work related problems for Madame Tussaud

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"There you go kid. If you have a monster he can't get out now."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

'Prophetic dream, no chance! You lying on a plate, surrounded by vegetables? That can only be symbolic.'