Those In Love Gifts

"So the next time you see the girl you wish to impress, just be yourself. Fulfillment comes when you know who you truly are and where you want to go in life. Thanks for calling Tia Carmen's psychic hotline!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Sauvignon Bonk

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Cat Towels

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

Difference of Opinion

Mixed Doubles.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."