Thespian T-Shirts

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

"O.K., I just found my wife in bed with my best friend and I go into a rage. What's my motivation?"

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

Acting Beyond My Means, Please Help.

Distinguished actor in between glorious career and glowing obituaries.

"I've been typecast."

"Are you sure I didn't dub you last year!"

Ventriloquist Grave

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

A Showbiz Love Story

"Oh how I suffer for my art!"

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Sock Puppet in Literature

Tabletop Theatre

Henrik Ibsen,

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

Harriet Walter

"We're doing a skit of Peter Rabbit at school. I'm the potting soil."

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

It's an iphone rehearsal.

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"They're texting it in."

'How is your degree in theater going to help you here?'

Robotic Prince Hamlet holding a human skull and saying "To be or not to be".

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

"To be or not to have been...no, that won't do. To be or not to be, that is the conundrum. Hmmm..."

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

The children who can't handle dialog will play trees and bushes. They'll be scenery and not heard!