Thespian Pillows

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

"O.K., I just found my wife in bed with my best friend and I go into a rage. What's my motivation?"

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

Acting Beyond My Means, Please Help.

Distinguished actor in between glorious career and glowing obituaries.

"I've been typecast."

"Are you sure I didn't dub you last year!"

Ventriloquist Grave

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"Oh how I suffer for my art!"

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Tabletop Theatre

Henrik Ibsen,

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

Harriet Walter

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

"They're texting it in."

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'How is your degree in theater going to help you here?'

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

Robotic Prince Hamlet holding a human skull and saying "To be or not to be".

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

Sid James

Teacher complaning he can't understand pupil in his course on 'Voice projection and pronunciation'

"I was Mrs. Webb in my high-school production of 'Our Town.' Who were you?"

"I haven't had the heart to tell him vaudeville's dead."

Baby

'Will somebody turn down the heating before we lose all of our applicants?!'

'Blimey! She's good.'