Thespian Soul Pillows

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Tabletop Theatre

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

Henrik Ibsen,

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

Harriet Walter

"You've been served."

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

Ventriloquist Grave

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

"We're doing a skit of Peter Rabbit at school. I'm the potting soil."

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

"They're texting it in."

"The presenting sponsor of The Dr. Faust Podcast is, as always, Mephistopheles."

Brava

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'How is your degree in theater going to help you here?'

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

Mr and Mrs Bobelescu found their son's attire slightly outre.

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

Too Much?

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

"Their lawyer found out that I enjoy reading poetry, and that I also like to watch professional wrestling. They're calling it a conflict of interests."

Always stick to the script.

'...and, if I don't get a place, I'll kill myself.'

18th Century French Gentleman

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."