Therapy-treader Gifts

Man to date about many self-portraits on his wall: 'Self-realization is where I'm headed.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Couples' therapy

Window Treatment

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I hate Mondays.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."