Therapy Talker Pillows

"Glad you could join us, Donna. Please take a seat."

"My father-who the hell do you think named me Edward the Lesser?"

'I'm really worried Doc. I'm beginning to feel quite good about myself!'

'But then again on the other hand, maybe you're just a big jerk, and that's why she left you.'

"I sometimes eat and drink too much. My stomach gets very upset about it."

"Can't we talk about something else this week?"

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"We can rule out stage fright. Maybe it's performance anxiety."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Therapy in L.A.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"I feel used."

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

Introverted Chair

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'