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"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

"You're right, Carl. Everything does suck."

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"Listen, I'm going to close my eyes for a short bit but you just keep on talking.".

'And why do you think that people don't take you seriously?'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"You're completely screwed up."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Teach me not to care."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"No heroic measures."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

Can I take your disorder?