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'Spare me your psychobabble'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Bob would go to any lengths to avoid public speaking.

"No heroic measures."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

I promised myself I wouldn't cry

"If this shrink doesn't come up with something we'll be calling the godfather, godmother!"

'Perhaps I didn't make myself clear at our last session when I told you 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."