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'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"When the spoon ran away with the dish, it broke my heart!"

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Teach me not to care."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

Can I take your disorder?

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"No heroic measures."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

Sardine psychologist.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

'Group hug anyone?'

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'