Therapists With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"This phone gives you 500 minutes and if you don't use them will automatically enroll you in a social anxiety clinic."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Computer help.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

I think I have a gilt complex.

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"