Family Therapist Humorist Pillows

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"You're completely screwed up."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."