Theory Humorist Pillows

'He's a real nut -- he has a theory that we all evolved from PDAs.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Ethics exam cheater.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"You're going to hate yourself."

Intelligent people laugh too!

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

The devil you know and his plus one

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Zenemies.

Optimist

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Schrödinger and his cat

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

This will really mess with their minds someday.

Studying String Cheese Theory

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Auguste Comte

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'Heidegger-Hi!'

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

Raymond Queneau