Theology Follower Pillows

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Moses separating his Laundry.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Priest

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Monk Prompt

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Tomorrow will be mainly sunny, but with some scattered showers..."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Spiritual Lives Matter

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

Pre-nuptual Nativity

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Promised Land Signpost

Worst. God. Ever.

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

The Pope Code

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."