Themed Hotel Booking Gifts

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

St. Patricks Day Shamrock Outfit

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

"It makes you look old."

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

Biliard Enthusiast

'Bed & Bagel'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

CSI Fridays

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'I'm pretty sure it's just plain old Tuesday. Bath towel Tuesday is next week.'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Seal blubber stew

'Oh, the amenity!'

"Hello, police? I appear to have killed my husband with chapters 24 of 50 Shades of Grey..."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'